Citing the Korean Central News Agency (KCNA)- the official mouthpiece of the DPRK- the New Yorker's Andy Borowitz says the Supreme Leader Kim Jong-un will only threaten the world Monday through Friday, and will rest on the weekends, because all that "sabre rattling" is exhausting. Jong-un further explained his decision:
“Dad always told me that you have to pace yourself in this job. The biggest danger isn’t the United States—it’s burnout.”
Kim said that he made his decision over the past weekend, after he issued his forty-ninth official statement threatening to engulf the mainland U.S. in a nuclear Armageddon: “I was in the middle of saying ‘infernal sea of fire,’ and I kind of realized, hey, I’m just phoning it in. And I never want to be that guy.”
By resting his violent rhetoric on weekends, Kim said, “On Monday through Friday I’ll have the insanity and unmitigated rage necessary to do this job right.”
Referring to his streak of three hundred and fifty-two consecutive days in which he threatened to destroy the world, Kim said, “I’m proud of it, sure. But nothing lasts forever.”
Kim began the month of April with a fresh round of threats, announcing today that North Korea had blocked South Korea on Pinterest.
Good one Andy.